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The Cipriani, Leo and Crazy Rich People

February 22, 2018

The private equity firm I worked for in New York had a shit ton of money. Like, they wiped their asses with money. That's how much money they had. The very first big event I ever went to with the company was a fundraiser at the Wall Street Cipriani. They paid Jerry Seinfeld 100k to be there that night for a fifteen minute set, or something crazy like that. Like I said...a FUCK TON of money.

I happened to have a dress for the occasion my friend in London had just given me. It was long, off the shoulder, a rich cranberry lace with a small train. I was so excited to wear it as this was truly my "first rodeo" as the guys in the office liked to say to anyone exhibiting amateur behavior (p.s I worked with HUGE douche bags). Anyway, I showed up and within minutes was aware of how out of my league I was. I saw Paris and Nicky Hilton in the bathroom, and at one point in the night the red carpet was filled with all of the top models, from the likes of Irina Shayk to the legend who is Crystal Renn; (I met her later in the evening and she is amazing). Apparently, Leonardo Dicaprio was also going to show up at some point in the night and my co-worker Megan was shitting her pants she was so excited by that idea.

We all eventually sat down to dinner at our assigned table, number 22, and I sat across from the ginger guy in my office who made me all hot and bothered every time I looked at him. Megan would always say, "He makes me sick! He's such a dog!" behind his back and then she'd be sweet as pie to his face. Apparently he was cheating on his wife all the time, and even during work hours, in classic ‘New York’ style. Regardless, I loved our minor flirtations although nothing ever came of it. Everyone knew that he only liked black women, something out of the cards for me.  

Anyway, everyone was on their best behavior that night. I was sitting next to Andrew, the only guy in the office who wasn't affected by "douche bag syndrome". Andrew was a genuine guy and he had the nicest family. His grandpa was even at the event and reminded me of old Hollywood movie stars like Clark Gable. He would follow in tow behind Andrew with those good looks and charm.

After the set from Jerry Seinfeld had finished, Chris Botti got on stage and played the trumpet throughout dinner, while we all settled into a more casual time of visiting. Megan and I were been joking throughout the night about saying hello to Leo, who had finally arrived. Leo had been on his vape pipe the whole night at his center table, rocking a chill hat. Andrew agreed to go over and say hi to him with me. As I walked first over to his table, I turned around and noticed that Andrew was nowhere to be seen and I was standing right behind Leo by myself. I'm not a shy person so I went ahead and said hello to Leo and showed him a picture on my phone of someone wearing a crazy fur coat and dreadlocks which I'd titled "Revenant Fashion". He had just won the Oscar for that role so he laughed politely then turned back around. Relatively un-memorable but still it was a nice little interaction.

As I made my way back to my co-workers at the table, I saw someone bee-lining it my way. All of a sudden my boss's crazy wife Inga was in my face screaming at me with that awful Russian accent of hers, berating me, asking how I could have been so stupid and what did I say to him!?!?! She continued for a minute, not even listening to the answers to her questions then stormed off to I’m sure go gossip about it. Honestly I'm lucky I didn't lose my job right then and there because she's that type of high strung woman whose focus is solely on image. She had gone through six personal assistants in just my one year working for that company. What Inga wanted, Inga got. I was so caught off guard by that interaction that I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. I looked back to the table and my co-worker Janet gave me the "pull it together" look and I left to go get a gin and tonic to hopefully calm my nerves.

I felt so small in that moment. I had been so excited to be at, probably, the most expensive, high profile event of my life, and had somehow managed to piss someone off in the first 2 hours of being there! Since everyone at the table knew Inga was crazy, my co-workers told me to shrug it off, so I did. However, after that night I always looked her in the eye whenever we crossed paths and she later tried to accuse me of sleeping with one of my co-workers (who is gay) to stir up drama against me. As it was days before my two weeks were up at that job (quitting by my choice, not hers), I basically told her to fuck off. Ultimately after the Cipriani experience, I realized two things: 1) private equity was not for me 2) neither was Leo.

In Work Tags Work, New York, New York Living, Wall Street, Wealth
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